Stargazing is a real thing I try to explain to my fellow creatures every chance I get. At the moment I have something stuck in my tooth, which doesn’t sound like a very big problem until I explain that it’s a dentist’s probing instrument and along with it he has both of his entire hands shoved into my mouth. I can’t speak and pretty soon my whole jaw is going to come ripping off my head when all I want to do is patch up a simple cavity.
In other circumstances, as I was saying, I would right this very moment be telling all about the marvels of stargazing. The last time I talked to a spry old Jack Russell Terrier about it, I started getting through to her right away. She hugged my knee and barked as I pattered her head. The way her playful nub of a tail wagged, I knew she understood completely.
Dear lord, my jaw! Not to mention my aching tooth! And my dying face! I wanted to scream… The pain was almost intolerable. Why wasn’t it numb yet? Numb thoughts, numb thoughts. Please dear god make it get numb already!
This is exactly why I never go to the eye doctor, why I never get my hair cut, and why I only eat food that never requires the use of silverware. All of these things are impure and simply serve as distractions from stargazing. It was only when my tooth started to clearly rot itself out of my head that I knew I needed some professional help.
This dentist may be the only one of my fellow creatures I ever refrain from telling about the wonders of stargazing. He may never get to know those incalculable joys. As I was saying, if I ever get out of here alive, I know exactly what I’m going to do. First thing, I’m going to head straight for the dog pound, then to the candy store, and then back into the hills for good.
Peter Clarke is a writer and musician with a BA in psychology and a JD in intellectual property law. His short fiction has appeared in 3AM Magazine, Pif Magazine, Curbside Splendor, Hobart, Heavy Feather Review, and elsewhere. Native to Port Angeles, Washington, he currently lives in San Francisco. See: www.petermclarke.com.